i want to talk about something serious and personal:

I want to talk about weight.

More specifically, my weight.

I weigh 158lbs. And for my 5foot1inch frame that puts me into, according the bmi (body mass index) chart, in the obese category.

<<Deep breath>> This is hard to talk about but if I put it up here I think it will help me stick to it.

I want to lose weight. I've wanted to lose weight for a while. And now, I really really need to lose weight. Here's why:

For health: Lately I have been feeling sick and sluggish and just icky. My chest has been hurting, my skin is bursting with uncomfortable and messy acne, and I'm super emotional and have very little motivation. I think my weight has something to do with all of this. Not only is it a drain on my physical health, but I think it's also hurt my mental health because I am both stressing over things like chest pains and also unhappy with how I look.

For vanity: Yeah, this is a part of it and I'm not ashamed by it. I've never been very skinny and I've always felt clunky and a little of an outcast because of it. Say what you will about body positivity (and I've never been bullied because of my weight or anything it's just been a silent thing I may be hallucinating about but still) but as much as I try to be positive I only manage it about 50% of the time. And if I want to lose weight because of vanity, why not? It's my body and if I think it will make me happier and healthier why wouldn't I try it?

So here's how I'm going to do it.

End Goal: Get to 120 lbs in less than a year. 120 is a healthy and, according to BMI charts, "optimal" for me so that's my goal. I'd love, for once in my life, to be "optimal".
Step Goals: Lose 2 lbs a week. I think this is totally possible. At least for now. If I find this a far too easy task I'll definitely raise the goal.

Working Out: I plan to work out every day or so. Even a little is something. I want to wean myself onto harder workouts. So next week is when I'm going to really kick it into gear and try to run a mile every single day. It's a little intimidating but also a little exciting. I'll have to find something to watch/read/listen to as I run. I'm up for suggestions!

Dieting: The big thing right now is going to be cutting out snacks and extra sugars. Which means only soda thrice a week. Thrice sounds good. And then I can have a soda Friday, Saturday, and Sunday which is when I tend to want soda with a meal as I tend to eat out then anyways. I think I can do it. And I definitely have to cut out a bunch of candy. I eat far too much as it is. Having smaller meals and stopping before I'm full are also things I want to implement but they're not the major goal at the moment.

When I'll post next about weight: when I lose ten pounds and keep it off for a week. I think that sounds good. Or this time next month. Whatever ends up coming first. I think both will happen at the same time.

That's it for me. It's easy to put goals down and it's harder to face reality and deal with these things. So, this is just to put it out there and help keep me accountable.