I'm not normally a petty person but in some things I get so angry that I just want to have the last laugh.
Lately I've been thinking about high school. I'm currently a sophomore in college, so high school wasn't that long ago. But during the last year or so I didn't really let myself think about it. I was ready to leave and, honestly, there are only a few things I miss (my old history teacher, the french fries, the warm cookies, a pair of English teachers) and little else. The people I wanted to stay connected with I did (more or less).
But near the end of the last school year and this summer I've really given a lot of thought to it. And I realized that I had really hated high school. Maybe not actively, but passively. It wasn't really an environment I enjoyed learning in and I always felt like an outsider.
So much of an outsider that I didn't realize it until after I had graduated. I had known I wasn't really a popular kid, but looking back I'm able to see, now, that I was never on anyone's radar. I really ignored that while I was there and I think that's probably a good thing. My mental health was starting to deteriorate around junior year anyways, and had I fully recognized my role at the school during that time I think things might have progressed much more disastrously.
I'm not going to go into details (today. I might someday. When I feel like I can talk about it without getting really upset about certain things I've only just begun to recognize and realize about my high school career) but I just wanted to set up as to why I have this little fire lit inside me regarding high school.
I'm always setting goals for myself (have you noticed, haha) and this most recent one is a petty little stab at all the people I went to high school with.
By the time the five year reunion rolls around I want to be a published author. Or about to be published. I want to have at least signed a contract with a publisher agreeing to publish a book I've written. Ideally I'll already have a book borne into the world and sitting on shelves at Barnes and Noble.
By the ten year reunion I want to be a New York Times bestselling author. Wow, that's a jump, you're probably thinking. But, honestly, it's a dream I've always had. In fact, I've talked about it here on the blog before. I don't have to be number one on the list by the ten year, but I want to have at least hit the list once so that my books can, from that point onward, tell the world that I was on the list.
By the fifteen year reunion I want to have a stable career. Okay, maybe this should be ten year, you're thinking? Well, who knows. If they both happen, then great. But if I can just write for the rest of my life and not have to ever have another job then I would be happy. If I can manage to secure this dream by the fifteenth I'll be pretty happy.
By the twenty year reunion... well, actually I don't know what I want this goal to be. Yes, I want a milestone to be passed at this point, but I don't know what I want that milestone to be. That goes for the rest of the reunions after this as well.
So maybe you're thinking, that's not very petty, Sam. Well, it is because there's an extra motivation working outside of my regular ones for these goals: I want to prove to these people I went to high school with that I'm fucking awesome and rub it in their faces. (A few people in particular, but I'm not naming names.)
To recap (mostly for myself): in 2020 I want a book published, in 2025 I want to be on the bestseller list, and in 2030 I want a steady writing career.
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