First of all, I'm a dreamer. And dreams are so much sweeter than hard work reality.
I always start off a novel and fall in love with the story and take my time with the writing and really love the whole piece to bits. And then I hit the doldrums and everything seems gray and dry and awful and I imagine sending the story to friends to read and imagine they'll laugh me out and see me as the fraud I am.
And boy am I having a hard time with TQR in this regard right now. I think a big reason is because of my recent decision to change the point of view from first to third person. I write the story and think, this is awful I should start over the way I want. But if I let myself start over I will never finish. And above anything else I want to finish this novel.
I think it's more important for me to finish this novel at this point than it is to actually make it publishable. Finishing is the hardest part for me. I've never done it. So this needs to be the one that is finished and even if it's utter crap I'm still going to edit it, send it alpha and beta readers, edit it some more, rewrite it into the correct point of view, and see then if it's good enough to try to find an agent for. If it's not, well, it's still quite the accomplishment.
So, sometimes I really do hate my writing. And sometimes I think it's fine. And rarely, though it has happened, I love my writing.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Friday, July 29, 2016
Slowing Down
Sometimes, when I set goals for myself, I don't set them realistically. And I think that's what has happened with my writing goals. So I went back through them and gave myself more time to get certain chapters finished. No, I don't have to do this, but it actually helps relieve my stress when I can look at something and go "Yes, I'm on track". So that's what I've done.
As such, dates for completion have changed quite a bit. Instead of finishing the first draft of TQR on August 3rd I'll now be aiming to finish it on September 5th. I'm not in a rush with this book and adding a month of time is going to be really beneficial especially since the chapters have been getting much longer than I originally had planned. I have a feeling I'll actually finish this one earlier than the deadline I have planned, but better safe than sorry, right? And, hey, things are moving along quite nicely still!
As such, dates for completion have changed quite a bit. Instead of finishing the first draft of TQR on August 3rd I'll now be aiming to finish it on September 5th. I'm not in a rush with this book and adding a month of time is going to be really beneficial especially since the chapters have been getting much longer than I originally had planned. I have a feeling I'll actually finish this one earlier than the deadline I have planned, but better safe than sorry, right? And, hey, things are moving along quite nicely still!
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
TQR is getting a BIG change
I've been having a hard time with chapter length and point of view for TQR for a while now. I'm pretty set on having the book be exactly eight chapters + a prologue and epilogue (so, really, ten chapters total) and that Jocelyn would be the main narrator for these chapters with Wylan only chiming in with his POV every other chapter or so.
But it's led to one major problem- the chapters where they both have POV parts is split into two sections and so if an event I want Jocelyn to tell happens during the section of the chapter that would overall be better for Wylan then he's the one who tells that section of the story. And there's really nothing wrong with it, but I feel like it could be better from Jocelyn's POV.
So I've been tossing around an idea and I think, after I finish the Rough Draft and some early editing I'm going to shift the story to third person POV. Now, this is a huge change for the story. Most of the scenes are going to have to be rewritten entirely and the second draft is going to be closer to the first draft than the final one, which is a little of a setback. However, I think the story will be so much better with this change! And the plot will remain intact and will probably be stronger and smoother during the second draft so I really only have to focus on the words themselves which will lend itself to making everything read clearer and nicer.
Whelp, off to continue. Recently set some daily goals for myself (which involve over 2k words a day, gulp) and I need to really stick to these goals this time around.
But it's led to one major problem- the chapters where they both have POV parts is split into two sections and so if an event I want Jocelyn to tell happens during the section of the chapter that would overall be better for Wylan then he's the one who tells that section of the story. And there's really nothing wrong with it, but I feel like it could be better from Jocelyn's POV.
So I've been tossing around an idea and I think, after I finish the Rough Draft and some early editing I'm going to shift the story to third person POV. Now, this is a huge change for the story. Most of the scenes are going to have to be rewritten entirely and the second draft is going to be closer to the first draft than the final one, which is a little of a setback. However, I think the story will be so much better with this change! And the plot will remain intact and will probably be stronger and smoother during the second draft so I really only have to focus on the words themselves which will lend itself to making everything read clearer and nicer.
Whelp, off to continue. Recently set some daily goals for myself (which involve over 2k words a day, gulp) and I need to really stick to these goals this time around.
Monday, July 25, 2016
this blog has two (maybe three) parts
When I created this blog I created a personal space for myself. I have another blog, which I love dearly and have no plans of quitting (ever), but, while there was always a pocket of space there for my own thoughts and writings, it has always been dedicated to books and I want to keep it that way. Fernweh (which is German for "Wanderlust" or "farsickness") is something I created to really let myself just be myself.
The first part of this blog is for my thoughts and emotions and meltdowns and good times and bad times and strange times and all those other times when I just need to talk or write down what happened. I've already posted things like this. Yes, sometimes I'll be a downer on here, but that's because it's where I put things that I need to say and have no one to say them to. If I don't say them, or express them, things get worse. And I want to be honest on here, I don't want to just show the good times I want to show the bad times. But I realize there have been a lot of bad times lately so I hope soon there will be good times to talk about as well.
The second part of this blog is for my writing. On my other blog I talk about writing whenever something big happens in my writing but I feel like it's become distracting on that blog and I wanted a place where I could dedicate most of the posts to writing and how my stories are going. So this is going to be that place. More in a few paragraphs.
The "maybe third" part of this blog is for my adventures. I've always wanted to go on a bunch of adventures around the world and just enjoy myself and all the cultures I happen to cross and explore. Well, I don't really have the finances for those sorts of adventures (yet) but whenever I do something I determine to be an adventure I'll be posting about it here. This sort of goes with the first part, but it's also a bit separate. Someday I hope all three parts will intersect into something beautiful.
My Writing
I wanted to set down some goals for my writing. In general I've got pretty lofty dreams. But, hey, shoot for the moon, right? I'd rather be among the stars anyways.
First of all, I want to publish a novel. Hell, I want to publish a bunch of novels and I want them to be wildly successful. I don't expect this to be an overnight, debut book sort of journey, but I want to continue writing for the rest of my life and I want to someday see my name at the top of the New York Times Bestselling List so that I can print it out and frame it on my wall and look at it and smile.
Second of all, I want to write a movie script. And a TV script. Actually, several TV scripts. As for the movie script, though, there are two stories in my head that I really want to make real. Not only do I want to write the scripts but I want to direct the movies. And someday I want to be a successful director/screenwriter and have my movie nominated for the Best Picture Oscar. And I want my movie to win it. I don't know what that movie will be, but I want it to happen.
Third of all, I want to write a graphic novel/comic series. I have two ideas but I can't draw for the life of me. So I hope to meet someone who can and who shares my passion for a few ideas I have. This isn't my main goal at the moment, but I plan on making it happen sooner or later. I love the ideas I have for the series' and graphic novels are the best form.
Fourth of all, I want my books to gain a fandom following and I want to see people's art and fanfic and love for the series and I want it to change people's lives the way reading and books have changed my life. I want my books to make people feel like they have hope. I want aspiring writers to look at my work and say it made them want to write and I want to influence the next generation of writers to create even greater things.
Those are my goals. I don't want them to sound like I think a lot of myself (trust me, I actually think very lowly of myself) and that I'm just a prodigy or something. I know I'm not I just want to put the goals out there because they are my dreams and God help me there is nothing that can keep me away from reaching these dreams except myself. If I work hard enough for long enough and never give up I can get these things done. And hey, if you're reading this post you can totally help keep me honest and remind me that I have lofty dreams so I better kick my own ass and get to getting things done!
As for what I'm writing at the moment, I have three projects. I might create a tab for these works at some point but ehhhh I kinda want this to be a one page blog for reasons.
My main project (and the one I talked about the other week when I said I was at the halfway point) is The Queen's Ransom (TQR) and is a novella (I think- it may just end up being a really, really short novel, we'll see) about a girl named Jocelyn who is cursed and by partaking in the Queen's Ransom, a quest, she may be able to cure herself. It's more complicated than this, but I don't want to reveal too much at the moment because it's in a fluid state where huge plot points are still changing.
My side project, and the next novel I'll be writing, is a series that is near and dear to my heart. I had the idea for this series back in junior year of high school (currently a college sophomore) and it has stuck with me ever since in such stark colors that I can't help but write it. It's a steampunk trilogy (for now...) called The Wheel and Cog Chronicles. The first book, of which I've been doing a lot of prewriting, is Wheel and Cog (WaC). Haha, no description to share yet because, well, it's a hard one to describe and once I start drafting it and actually getting it on paper it might be easier to explain but we'll see.
The third project, which is a stress reliever more than anything else is called Lamp and Mirror (LaM). It's going to be a series of short stories or episodes that I plan on posting on this blog when I've got quite a few written. I have no plans to publish this in any traditional way whatsoever I want it to be a free resource online for people to enjoy (hopefully) so the plan is to write the stories, edit the stories, publish them here for feedback and for your enjoyment, edit them a little more and then put them on kindle for free (perhaps all bound up together just to make it easier). We'll see but hopefully I'll be done with this little project around Christmastime. No description for this one yet, either, since I'm still in the plotting stage.
Well, that's me for now.
The first part of this blog is for my thoughts and emotions and meltdowns and good times and bad times and strange times and all those other times when I just need to talk or write down what happened. I've already posted things like this. Yes, sometimes I'll be a downer on here, but that's because it's where I put things that I need to say and have no one to say them to. If I don't say them, or express them, things get worse. And I want to be honest on here, I don't want to just show the good times I want to show the bad times. But I realize there have been a lot of bad times lately so I hope soon there will be good times to talk about as well.
The second part of this blog is for my writing. On my other blog I talk about writing whenever something big happens in my writing but I feel like it's become distracting on that blog and I wanted a place where I could dedicate most of the posts to writing and how my stories are going. So this is going to be that place. More in a few paragraphs.
The "maybe third" part of this blog is for my adventures. I've always wanted to go on a bunch of adventures around the world and just enjoy myself and all the cultures I happen to cross and explore. Well, I don't really have the finances for those sorts of adventures (yet) but whenever I do something I determine to be an adventure I'll be posting about it here. This sort of goes with the first part, but it's also a bit separate. Someday I hope all three parts will intersect into something beautiful.
My Writing
I wanted to set down some goals for my writing. In general I've got pretty lofty dreams. But, hey, shoot for the moon, right? I'd rather be among the stars anyways.
First of all, I want to publish a novel. Hell, I want to publish a bunch of novels and I want them to be wildly successful. I don't expect this to be an overnight, debut book sort of journey, but I want to continue writing for the rest of my life and I want to someday see my name at the top of the New York Times Bestselling List so that I can print it out and frame it on my wall and look at it and smile.
Second of all, I want to write a movie script. And a TV script. Actually, several TV scripts. As for the movie script, though, there are two stories in my head that I really want to make real. Not only do I want to write the scripts but I want to direct the movies. And someday I want to be a successful director/screenwriter and have my movie nominated for the Best Picture Oscar. And I want my movie to win it. I don't know what that movie will be, but I want it to happen.
Third of all, I want to write a graphic novel/comic series. I have two ideas but I can't draw for the life of me. So I hope to meet someone who can and who shares my passion for a few ideas I have. This isn't my main goal at the moment, but I plan on making it happen sooner or later. I love the ideas I have for the series' and graphic novels are the best form.
Fourth of all, I want my books to gain a fandom following and I want to see people's art and fanfic and love for the series and I want it to change people's lives the way reading and books have changed my life. I want my books to make people feel like they have hope. I want aspiring writers to look at my work and say it made them want to write and I want to influence the next generation of writers to create even greater things.
Those are my goals. I don't want them to sound like I think a lot of myself (trust me, I actually think very lowly of myself) and that I'm just a prodigy or something. I know I'm not I just want to put the goals out there because they are my dreams and God help me there is nothing that can keep me away from reaching these dreams except myself. If I work hard enough for long enough and never give up I can get these things done. And hey, if you're reading this post you can totally help keep me honest and remind me that I have lofty dreams so I better kick my own ass and get to getting things done!
As for what I'm writing at the moment, I have three projects. I might create a tab for these works at some point but ehhhh I kinda want this to be a one page blog for reasons.
My main project (and the one I talked about the other week when I said I was at the halfway point) is The Queen's Ransom (TQR) and is a novella (I think- it may just end up being a really, really short novel, we'll see) about a girl named Jocelyn who is cursed and by partaking in the Queen's Ransom, a quest, she may be able to cure herself. It's more complicated than this, but I don't want to reveal too much at the moment because it's in a fluid state where huge plot points are still changing.
My side project, and the next novel I'll be writing, is a series that is near and dear to my heart. I had the idea for this series back in junior year of high school (currently a college sophomore) and it has stuck with me ever since in such stark colors that I can't help but write it. It's a steampunk trilogy (for now...) called The Wheel and Cog Chronicles. The first book, of which I've been doing a lot of prewriting, is Wheel and Cog (WaC). Haha, no description to share yet because, well, it's a hard one to describe and once I start drafting it and actually getting it on paper it might be easier to explain but we'll see.
The third project, which is a stress reliever more than anything else is called Lamp and Mirror (LaM). It's going to be a series of short stories or episodes that I plan on posting on this blog when I've got quite a few written. I have no plans to publish this in any traditional way whatsoever I want it to be a free resource online for people to enjoy (hopefully) so the plan is to write the stories, edit the stories, publish them here for feedback and for your enjoyment, edit them a little more and then put them on kindle for free (perhaps all bound up together just to make it easier). We'll see but hopefully I'll be done with this little project around Christmastime. No description for this one yet, either, since I'm still in the plotting stage.
Well, that's me for now.
Friday, July 22, 2016
i keep forgetting i'm not allowed to be in a bad mood at home
because if I am people have a tendency to let me know it's my fault for being mad or angry and then to tell me something to make me feel worse as if that, also, is my fault.
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
i did it! (or: i wrote half of a rough draft)
I'm at the halfway point for my current WIP's rough draft and I am very proud of myself! It's just a rough estimate of the halfway point because I know, from my plotting, that I'm at the halfway point chapter-wise and but this seems like a pretty good benchmark.
I don't think I've ever really gotten to the halfway point before so this is pretty exciting. I co-wrote a novel with a friend several years ago, but I count that as more of an exercise in the craft than an actual novel (don't ask why it fits in my head this way) so if I finish this it's my first novel. Here's to hoping I can make it the other half!
I don't think I've ever really gotten to the halfway point before so this is pretty exciting. I co-wrote a novel with a friend several years ago, but I count that as more of an exercise in the craft than an actual novel (don't ask why it fits in my head this way) so if I finish this it's my first novel. Here's to hoping I can make it the other half!
Friday, July 15, 2016
how i diffuse
Words.
Back up: today there is a coup happening in Turkey. I am here watching from across the sea and on a screen. I am very upset about everything.
When I get upset there a two things that happen. Either I am a bomb ready to blow, full of energy, wanting to punch walls or punch the bed or rip pages out of books and magazines. Or I am nothing and I lay somewhere existing minimally.
Today is the former and I am almost glad because that is when I have more control. As much as I want to, I don't hit walls, I hit pillows, I hit my bed, I hit soft things that will bounce back. I don't rip out pages, I rip up cardboard or old newspaper. Sometimes I try to rip already ripped clothing but I am often not strong enough to create a good tear.
And I can diffuse the bomb.
Music on repeat is one of the best things I can do. I listen to the same song, though the song itself doesn't matter (today it is Popular Song by MIKA feat. Ariana Grande because that's what the shuffle gods chose). The words don't really matter. I just keep them playing. Even if I don't hear it at least I don't hear the rest of the world.
Writing in manic sprints is the other best thing I can do. Writing is the best outlet for me. Sometimes that's TQR, sometimes it's just plotting, sometimes its a blog post. Tonight it's a blogpost.
Sometimes I'm just filled with a burst of energy, good or bad, where I feel like a bomb and, when I'm rational enough, I grab my computer and furiously type something out. When it's TQR it only takes a page or two before I've calmed down enough to either sleep or get on with my day. A few nights ago I was just struck with this energy and got through a page and a half without realizing time was passing and then just stopped because all that energy was wasted.
The energy often feels like something I need to physically exert. But at weird hours of the day I can't just go running. Especially since I am not a good runner and the the energy comes later in the evening or early in the morning.
I've been trying to exert the energy before it arrives but I don't think it's working. So for now, to defuse, I use words.
Back up: today there is a coup happening in Turkey. I am here watching from across the sea and on a screen. I am very upset about everything.
When I get upset there a two things that happen. Either I am a bomb ready to blow, full of energy, wanting to punch walls or punch the bed or rip pages out of books and magazines. Or I am nothing and I lay somewhere existing minimally.
Today is the former and I am almost glad because that is when I have more control. As much as I want to, I don't hit walls, I hit pillows, I hit my bed, I hit soft things that will bounce back. I don't rip out pages, I rip up cardboard or old newspaper. Sometimes I try to rip already ripped clothing but I am often not strong enough to create a good tear.
And I can diffuse the bomb.
Music on repeat is one of the best things I can do. I listen to the same song, though the song itself doesn't matter (today it is Popular Song by MIKA feat. Ariana Grande because that's what the shuffle gods chose). The words don't really matter. I just keep them playing. Even if I don't hear it at least I don't hear the rest of the world.
Writing in manic sprints is the other best thing I can do. Writing is the best outlet for me. Sometimes that's TQR, sometimes it's just plotting, sometimes its a blog post. Tonight it's a blogpost.
Sometimes I'm just filled with a burst of energy, good or bad, where I feel like a bomb and, when I'm rational enough, I grab my computer and furiously type something out. When it's TQR it only takes a page or two before I've calmed down enough to either sleep or get on with my day. A few nights ago I was just struck with this energy and got through a page and a half without realizing time was passing and then just stopped because all that energy was wasted.
The energy often feels like something I need to physically exert. But at weird hours of the day I can't just go running. Especially since I am not a good runner and the the energy comes later in the evening or early in the morning.
I've been trying to exert the energy before it arrives but I don't think it's working. So for now, to defuse, I use words.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
i have a hole inside me
I have a hole inside me. It's not real but I can feel it growing every day. It's next to my heart and it hurts. I know something belongs there I just haven't filled it yet.
Today over 60 people were killed in Nice, France. A few days ago there were the shootings in Dallas. A few weeks ago there was the shooting in Orlando. This year has taken it's tool on me. No- this summer has taken its toll.
It makes me incredibly sad. It makes the hole bigger every time I hear about something else. And those are just the stories that come across my radar because they're big enough headlines. I can't bear to think about what else is out there happening. It makes the hole bigger.
I want to do so much with my life and right now I feel as if I will never get anywhere. I feel like sitting on my bed, writing this post, is my life. I want to write a novel but I'm afraid I will never finish one. I want to travel the world but I'm afraid I will never have enough money. I want to do something great but I'm afraid I don't count.
Things are wrong with me on a chemical level.
My hole gets bigger every day. I don't even know what I'm trying to say with this post or with this blog.
I think I am trying to carve a little personal corner of the internet. Something that's just for me and for anyone else who wants to see it. Things will get personal here. I hope that means good things. I hope that means filling my hole. Because I think that is my plan with this blog- to fill the hole.
I think I am trying to put down a record of my writing. I don't want it to be a writing blog I want it to be a progress blog. I want to celebrate the small things but not kill the dead horse. I want to be able to look back and look at the happy moments and the bad moments and see where I was and where I will go.
I think I am trying to keep myself accountable. For something. For anything. I think I am trying to have a place where I can keep memories from all the traveling I want to do. I think I am trying to have a place where I can talk about my faith, my political views, my family and not be judged.
I think. I hope. I fear. I have a hole. I just don't know.
Something is wrong and I want to make it right.
Today over 60 people were killed in Nice, France. A few days ago there were the shootings in Dallas. A few weeks ago there was the shooting in Orlando. This year has taken it's tool on me. No- this summer has taken its toll.
It makes me incredibly sad. It makes the hole bigger every time I hear about something else. And those are just the stories that come across my radar because they're big enough headlines. I can't bear to think about what else is out there happening. It makes the hole bigger.
I want to do so much with my life and right now I feel as if I will never get anywhere. I feel like sitting on my bed, writing this post, is my life. I want to write a novel but I'm afraid I will never finish one. I want to travel the world but I'm afraid I will never have enough money. I want to do something great but I'm afraid I don't count.
Things are wrong with me on a chemical level.
My hole gets bigger every day. I don't even know what I'm trying to say with this post or with this blog.
I think I am trying to carve a little personal corner of the internet. Something that's just for me and for anyone else who wants to see it. Things will get personal here. I hope that means good things. I hope that means filling my hole. Because I think that is my plan with this blog- to fill the hole.
I think I am trying to put down a record of my writing. I don't want it to be a writing blog I want it to be a progress blog. I want to celebrate the small things but not kill the dead horse. I want to be able to look back and look at the happy moments and the bad moments and see where I was and where I will go.
I think I am trying to keep myself accountable. For something. For anything. I think I am trying to have a place where I can keep memories from all the traveling I want to do. I think I am trying to have a place where I can talk about my faith, my political views, my family and not be judged.
I think. I hope. I fear. I have a hole. I just don't know.
Something is wrong and I want to make it right.
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